A Distorted Reality.

My Mr. Dialysis and Astro Reality articles on Starve in Heaven caused somewhat of a shitstorm. This, in all honesty, was kind of the intention; but some of the responses really made my days. The fanboy/fangirl-ism that these two convey is really something special. I’ll take you through some of the amazing arguments on display here, left in their original format:

• Dude you spend far too long saying “i dont like them”. People like you should die young. Prick. - I hate the word ‘dude’, as a starter. It’s just somewhat… disgusting. I suppose the sort of people who would post this are fans of monosyllabicisms - as demonstrated by the universally understood insult of ‘prick’. Besides, being able to express opinions at length is a wonderful skill.
• Mate you sound like a nob - I like how wonderfully fluently my flaws were pointed out.
• Al Young do you have lots of people who adore your music? Al Young do you have better things to do ? - First question: no, but my art > your art. Besides, I wouldn’t want your kind of scene-whoring skanks adoring my work; it would be unsettling, if nothing else. And no, I do not have better things to do: I enjoy doing this.
• al young should be shot in the head for being such a prick. Lots of people like astro and all the other bands he’s critisised. Maybe he’s just trying to male a name for himself but I think he’s just a twat. Who probably writes reviews whilst were all having sex. - This was the best thing that I had read in months, and it only came in yesterday. This has all of the hallmarks of Internet Tough Guy Syndrome: threats of violence, woeful spelling and the almost omnipresent insinuation of sexual inadequacy. It’s almost quaint, really. As for a lot of people liking it making it good, a lot of people liked the execution of Jews in extermination camps. Think about that one. I do not care that I went for the most extreme example possible there.
• I hope you do something good in you life, go traveling or something do something to broaden your narrow little minds. - here, we have the argument of superiority through implied intellectual enlightenment above mine. The use of ‘little’ really undermined my self-esteem.
• So why ruin your argument by putting in something as petty as this? - petty is fun; as well as being a humorous rhetorical device.
• go suck on cream eggs - seriously, the only time ever that I have not had a response to a point in argument. It really threw me off.
• if you’re chicken enough to post a blog about someone you hardly know, who knows if you’re man enough to post a blog including your real name. - conspiracy nut, perchance?
• Anyway, i’ll leave you to post more blogs insulting people and knit-picking their faults, it seems to be what gets you off when most kids tend to prefer to go out and get laid, but whatever floats your boat man. - again, my sexual inadequacy is played upon. I actually measured my penis after reading this to make sure that it was still of an average size. It was, thank god.
• i bet ‘al’ is a full on nerd - this is an undeniable truism. He totally got me.
• Your argument has no direction, meaning, and you probably have no mental stability. - but my argument got in the Alexa top 100,000 for the UK for a couple of weeks, so I don’t really care. And the lithium levels me out.
• You must have spent over 5 hours in this sqwibble writing your “hilarious” responses. - actually, probably more like 10 minutes, but I think on my feet.
• And mate, i have seen a picture of you, i strongly advise you sort yourself out, you cant take the piss out of anyone, the way you are… - the poster of this had skunk hair. His opinions mean nothing to me.
• so go back naw and run to your momy and daddy in your nice well mannered english house hold, and stop being the big rebel on the internet, talking shite about people, see if you do it to peoples faces - this galled me: I’m working-class, through and through. And anyone who knows me would tell him that I do it to people’s faces.
• i bet you havent even got laid yet - another measuring moment. I really don’t get the obsession.
• can the publisher of this stupid article even express themselves in the way ben ryan does…… nocan the publisher of this stupid article even express themselves in the way ben ryan does…… no - I do not wish to express myself through the medium of rap.

I don’t get it. I really don’t.