A Distorted Reality.

OK, the Birmingham music scene has become something close to my heart in recent months, and I hate to see the tripe which we are capable of producing, in such stark contrast to our rich history. The white-man rap stylings of a certain Mr. Dialysis are my latest sufferances of our recent musical ineptitude. His MySpace doesn’t even attempt to hide his multitude of sins:

1. BBC Interview? What the fuck. I suppose it makes a change from the cat-stuck-in-tree local headlines. He really comes over as an arsehole. ‘I’ve become a celebrity in Birmingham’ – what a twat.
2. I also listened to some of the music (again, unfortunately) – ‘I can jump but I’m not a rope’ – there is no hope.
3. He claims Regina Spektor as an influence. He’s trying too hard and doing it wrong.
4. Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes. Wow, philosophy is fun when you’re doing it as a filler A-level with an empty head.
5. ‘My ps3, 42″ tv, GHDs, iPhone and blowdryer are my favorite possesions.’ – that’s like £2000. I’m just jealous, OK?
6. ‘I am a vegetarian’ – probably for fahsionable reasons. If you’re going to do it, do it right: become a vegan (I eat meat for fun, but I am becoming vegan for health reasons soon, so no hipocrisy)
7. ‘I am a christian, which means I do believe in God.’ – no shit. It also means that you’re insecure in your existence.
8. ‘I am a firm believer in the fact that HARBORNE, is the best place to live, ever.’ – he haz gud grammer.
9. ‘I have 3 favorite smells, they are…. 1. Dettol. 2. Petrol. 3. Freshly tumbledried garms.’ – if I ever want to kill him, all I have to do is light a match. That is, if the dettol fumes don’t get to him first. Fashionista whore credentials are also ensured.
10. ‘As I no longer eat meat, I have a new favorite food.
    It used to be spagetti bolagniase but now, it is Tuna, Sweetcorn, Tomato and Basil pasta (with cheese).’ – PROOF THAT HE IS A SCENESTER TOOL! Other than his music, of course. The cheese also backs me up on the ‘do it properly’ veganism statement. Also, isn’t fish meat?
11. ‘Sounds Like: Nothing You Ever Heard Before.’ – again, his grammar is flawed; but more relevant is the fact that his music is painfully generic and overdone.
12. ‘Lattés are officially the nicest hot drink. Diet coke is offically the nicest soft drink.
    Water is officially the most healthy option drink. If you drink bleach you will die.’ – his little fame trip is even beginning to affect his perception of where his limits lie: he can ordain things officially? He has power? His actualisation about bleach is touching, however.

I know that I’m being pedantic, but that profile really got to me. He is no celebrity, local or otherwise.

Good rappers have intelligence: just look at Atmosphere.